2018 has come and gone, and it seems like it went by faster than usual for me. It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but most importantly I’ve learned so much from this year. The Lord provided me with a lot of things that I can turn my gaze towards, as well as give me hope for 2019. Here are some of the things I’ve reflected on:
Just because you fail doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
I’ve had my fair share of this, especially in the arts this year. In certain moments I put so much blame on myself that I will never be good enough just because I failed. But the more I try, the more I realize the best thing I can do is to know my value and know I’m good enough. I’ve psyched myself out way too many times in my career path to know the second you start doubting yourself, you set yourself up for failure. Once I knew that I’m of value because of who I am in the Lord, I’ve never seen Him fail me. In fact, God has proven to me multiple times that when I believe in His value and creation, He continues to reveal the best parts of my story.
Push past social anxiety.
This year, I’ve made so many friends that I never would have expected to make a connection with. Every time I look back on those friendships, I’ve realized they’ve come from the risk of putting yourself out there and being open to others. A lot of my middle school to high school years were filled with anxiety that people won’t like me for who I am. I’ve realized that it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks because if they like you for who you are, then they’re really a true friend. I’ve also reconnected with others that I hadn’t spoken to in a very long time and although it can be nerve-racking, it’s always worth it to put yourself out there. I found myself thinking I’m so glad I did that rather than wondering what if.
Forgive those who have hurt you.
I’ve held onto pieces of my life from years back that have caused me so much pain that to even think of the event or person makes me so upset. One day I finally figured out that holding onto those things doesn’t hurt the other person, it just hurts you. It’s so much easier to let go of the pain that someone once caused you. It doesn’t mean you have to be close with them and it also doesn’t mean you ever need to speak to them again. But of course, it’s not that easy. It takes a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, and a lot of wrestling with what’s happened. I’m still learning how to completely forgive, but I’ve already felt emotionally healthier once I’ve decided to surrender the pain from the past to God. He’s the only one that can take away the struggles of my life.
This is a fairly summed up version of many things I’ve learned, as I know many of us want to be wearing glittery clothes and toasting with some champagne. But no toast is quite right without a little self reflection. I’m so excited for the lessons that 2019 will bring, even though I know I’m nowhere near ready for them.
I hope your night is full of wonderful memories and the hope for tomorrow!